Have you ever felt a little ripped off when you give a gift, and it isn’t received well? Perhaps the person gave you an empty “thank you” and quickly moved on, or perhaps chose not to open your gift while in your presence, citing lack of time, or shyness. As the holiday season gets into full swing, it’s time to become mindful that receiving well is actually a gift!
Many people are very unskilled at the act of receiving. As a matter of fact, if you dig deep enough, you might find that they believe one of the following misconceptions about receiving:
1. Receiving is passive
2. The one who is receiving is out of control
3. Receiving is selfish
So, let’s breakdown these misconceptions, so you can actually GIVE THE GIFT of receiving.
1. Receiving is passive. What? Heck no!Receiving well is a very active and conscious thing! I’d recommend TAKING THE TIME to actually fully and completely give your attention to the gift. Think Japanese businessman here. Have you ever given a business card to a Japanese businessman? He will give full attention of the card, almost as if he is searching for a typo or something, as well as make a comment about the card itself, as if the card is a big fat gift from you.
To receive well, ACTIVELY and consciously put full attention on what is given.
2. The one who is receiving is out of control. I think this misconception comes from a fear of not knowing what to do if you don’t like the gift, or possibly don’t understand or get why they gave it to you in the first place. It might also be the reason why some people don’t like opening gifts in front of the giver.
So, here’s a way to be in control of any gift-giving situation. Always be prepared to ask the giver what was their motivation for the gift. Get this question clear in your head and practice it, because the question must be asked in a tone of voice that does not sound accusatory or sarcastic. “Wow! I’m not sure what this is, but I like it so far! What made you think of me when you made, bought, found this?” said in a loving way is a whole lot more of a gift to the giver than something like, “What the hell is this?” or “Why do I need this?” Remember to think that your words are a gift back to the giver.
To receive well, ask the giver what their motivation was for giving it to you in a happily-curious tone of voice. One extra tip: Be sure to fully accept what the giver says as the truth. For example, if you ask them why they thought of you when they bought you a butt-ugly purse or tie, and they reply, “I thought you would love the colors!” accept that somehow they really were trying to please you and truly believed you would like it.
3. Receiving is selfish. If you haven’t gathered the fallacy of this one yet, let me say – nothing can be farther from the truth. Receiving well is selfless. If done well, it is honoring in both directions, and can be the absolute cheapest way to say Thanks, you are important to me.” I’d recommend imagining a scenario of how you are going to use this item in the future, and describing how you see it fitting into your life. Say something like,” Thank you! This will really come in handy when I’m________________.” Or “My diet is going to be so much easier to do, now that you’ve given me this calorie-counter – I’m totally going to use it on my dinner tonight!” If you need to ask them how to use it, then by all means ask.
To receive well, tell the giver how you intend to use the item in your future.
Engage, give notice, pay attention, politely comment, be active…receiving in this way will maximize the giving and receiving experience, and, in its own teeny way, help create peace on earth and good will toward men.
